apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
