Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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