I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
