Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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