can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
