YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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