we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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