Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
