Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
