I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
