No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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