Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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