How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
