I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
