Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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