My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
