Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
