In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
zippers are such a cool invention
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
