I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
