I CAN MOONWALK!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
