Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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