You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
