Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
