I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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