he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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