Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
