a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
