Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
