yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
