So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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