id be glad to
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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