Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
