You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
