I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
