I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
