Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
