i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
