Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
