I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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