this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
