I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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