I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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