I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
