Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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