i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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