I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
