She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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