Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
