apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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