I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
