i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
