i can't believe i had my finger in that
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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