Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
