The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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