cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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