Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
