I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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